I thought about not writing today. Quitting this blog. Not showing up … today, or the next. It would be so easy. It might even be smart.

Once that thought showed up– and I decided to follow it– there were a long list of reasons that supported my decision. Good reasons. And within minutes, I was nearly fully convinced that not writing anymore, was a brilliant idea.

It did not stop with my thoughts. Like the perfect teammate, my body joined with the appropriate physical symptoms. I started to feel lethargic, uninspired, and mentally drained. Ideal symptoms for someone who is not committed to sharing themselves creatively.

With my thoughts and body in rhythm with the decision, what more was there? “You’ve had a good run” something tried convincing me, “You shouldn’t feel bad, it’s better this way. Think about all the extra time you’ll have …”

Many things in my life have suffered defeat in this way. How many times have I successfully convinced myself to stop short of what I wanted? The downgrade to my life has happened more times than I will or can admit.

As this familiar pattern played out, something different happened. Something special. And if my mind and body were tuned in to the rhythm of defeat, this unexplainable force, must have been my spirit.

My spirit, in a single moment, supported me with an unshakable knowing about who I am. The negative thoughts loosened their grip on me, my tiredness vanished, and I became flooded with an unspeakable urge to create.

But why this time? And had my spirit abandoned me every time before? I imagine that each person has to answer this question within themselves. For me, I think my spirit has always wanted to shine; I know it has. This is just the first time it’s had the space, to be the most dominant presence in the room.

My mind and body didn’t want to write anymore, thankfully, my spirit did.